January 2000 Reaching for the Rainbow Newsletter

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REACHING FOR THE RAINBOW

Newsletter
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A monthly newsletter with articles from a consortium of personal, business, professional, relationship, and spiritual coaches that offer life-enhancing support and perspectives for the gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgendered, and questioning community.

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February 2000 Issue
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REAL RELATIONSHIPS
by David Bentley
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When we JUDGE relationships as perfect or not perfect, we use an impossible criterion because we are seeking a picture book fantasy that we have made up rather than reality. The fantasy looks good and is appealing, but usually is literally too good to be true.

When we ACCEPT relationships that are not our ego's fantasies of perfection, we find that they're perfect relationships for us at this time in our lives because they help us grow and evolve. They become real and honest connections which require us to express our own feeling and ideas clearly in order for others to know who we are as we discover and respect who they are.

Is this easy? Of course not! Sometimes we'll be upset with others, or they'll be upset with us. We will wonder if there is something wrong with us or them or even the relationship itself. No matter how difficult or frightening the situation may be, to run away from difficulties cuts off any possibility for growth. Growth comes from working through difficult situations and crises. If we make a commitment to stay in the relationship and to communicate clearly and honestly as long as both people are willing to do so, the relationship will become stronger and more real.

Does this mean that relationships shouldn't end? No, there are some relationships from which we learn many lessons that eventually must come to an end. However, the end of a relationship does not require a winner and a loser. It merely requires us to admit that it is time for another change. If we have had a close enough relationship to have revealed our thoughts and feelings honestly, both of us will have learned and grown. The relationship may not have lasted happily ever after, but it will have been a real relationship.

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Author's Bio

David Bentley is a personal coach with a management/education background. Sixteen years of volunteer hospice work (adult persons with AIDS and children with cancer) have given him unique insights about making transitions. Twenty years of working with people in recovery have taught him how to help people discover who they are, what they'd like to do, and how to build on strengths rather than focus on weaknesses. With a masters degree in education, David believes that we can all improve our skills in playing the game of life. Visit David's web site at www.interisland.net/dbentley or contact him by email at dbentley@interisland.net or by phone at (360) 378-8436.

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TOP TEN TIPS FOR KEEPING YOUR ROMANCE ALIVE
by Linda Davies
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My partner and I have complied this Top 10 List to highlight what we believe are the most important ingredients for relationships designed to last a lifetime.

1) Make Time for Each Other - Don't just settle for leftovers after everything else is done. Put "Couple Time" in your calendar in INK.

2) Express your Appreciation - For just one day, tell your partner what you love/admire about her/him. No criticisms. No complaints.

3) Listen to Each Other - No blaming or giving advice, just listening. Putting ourselves in each other's shoes is one of love's greatest gifts.

4) Communicate Honestly with Kindness and Love - Conflicts and disappointments are inevitable. Telling the truth in a kind way avoids unnecessary hurt and damage.

5) Share your Vulnerabilities - To truly love and care for one another, we need to share the deepest secrets of our souls. What makes us feel ashamed? Embarrassed? Afraid?

6) Support Each Other's Individual Growth - We can't possibly meet each other's every emotional, social, and intellectual need. We need to grow OUTSIDE our primary relationship as well.

7) Develop Shared Values, Interests, and Goals - A common sense of mission and purpose in our lives, and shared ethical or spiritual values helps us see together our place in the universe.

8) Laugh and Play Together ... Have Fun - Be willing to find new ways keeps things fresh and alive. A sense of humor keeps life in perspective.

9) Pleasure Each Other Sensually and Sexually - We are able to be fully expressive throughout our whole lives. The real "turn on" over time is emotional closeness.

10) Build a Community - We need each other more than we can possibly imagine. Having people who love and support us as couples is vital to the well-being of our relationships.

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Author's Bio

Linda Davies is an out and proud lesbian living the life of her dreams on Cape Cod with her partner of 28 years. She has specialized working with GLBTQ people for over 20 years as a licensed psychotherapist in private practice and as a personal and relationship coach. Her clients are people who want to live more authentically, do work they love, deepen their bonds of intimacy, and build a community of support.

Visit her Website at http://www.RainbowCoaching.com. E-mail her at rainbowcoach@capecod.net or phone 508-255-4913 for more information,to receive her FREE newsletter, or to schedule a FREE coaching session.

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WHERE IS MY LIFE PARTNER?
by Salila Shen
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Do you have the desire to attract a life partner, yet find yourself not knowing where to look? Do you sometimes realize that you don't know who you're looking for?

Your chances of finding a satisfying long-term partnership increase tremendously the more you know yourself, what is most important to you, and what you require and need from a partner. Look inward to discover what you are really about, and what you are here to contribute to the world.

Recognize what is most important to you by identifying your highest values. Discover what you require and need from a partner so you can follow your wisdom rather than your unconscious attractions.

Consider asking yourself these questions:

What always captures my attention?
What do I enjoy talking about with other people the most?
What brings me the greatest joy?
What would I stay up late to do even if I was tired?
If I had one year to live, what 5 things would I be sure to do?
What 3 positive qualities would the people that know me the best ALL say that I have?
What are the 7 qualities that my partner must have in order for me to commit to a long-term partnership?

After you gain clarity about yourself and what is important to you, go to places and be with people where you can express these parts of yourself. Hang out where people you'd like to meet would be hanging out. Having identified your requirements for a partner, you are less likely to waste your time and energy engaging your body, heart, and spirit with someone who does not meet these. Free yourself from following unconscious desires, and instead spend time doing what you love to do, and engaging the people with whom you share the true possibility of deep, authentic connection.

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Author's Bio

Salila Shen was trained by Coach University and is certified by the International Coach Federation as a Professional Certified Coach. She became licensed last year by LifePartnerQuest---a coaching organization dedicated to helping singles and couples create successful life partnerships. Discovering LifePartnerQuest led Salila back to her lifelong passion and natural coaching niche--supporting people to create loving, conscious, fulfilling relationships and to learn caring, effective communication skills. She welcomes straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered and questioning clients into her coaching practice.

For a complimentary session, call Salila at 970-731-3102, email her at heartcoach@frontier.net, or visit www.lotusmountain.com or www.consciousrelating.com.

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GLBTQ Special Interest Group Newsletter Consortium Members
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David Bentley, M.Ed. & Personal Coach, coaches clients through the game of life, helping them find balance, clarity of direction, and purpose in an ever-changing world. Contacts: dbentley@interisland.net or (360)378-8436 or http://www.interisland.net/dbentley

Barry Bragg coaches individuals to live out their potential, to express themselves assertively, creatively and healthily. For more information, check http://www.liveyourpotential.com/ or www.liveyourpotential.com or email barrybragg@mindspring.com.

Tati Buso, M.A., Coach, Designs from Within Coaching, Works with professionals, divorced parents, and widows seeking simplicity, proactiveness and a joyful attitude to life. Email: tati@email.women.com or call 614-263-0275, http://memberpage.women.com/lifestyle/tati

Liz Cronkhite, Spiritual Coach. Providing clarity, momentum and support to individuals who are ready to create a life of peace, meaning and purpose. Contact Liz at 702-880-3276 or CoachLizC@aol.com.

Linda Davies, L.C.S.W., Personal and Relationship Coaching to be who you are, do what you love, and connect meaningfully with others. Visit http://www.RainbowCoaching.com , E-mail her at rainbowcoach@capecod.net or phone 508-255-4913.

Karen Jasinski, HHP and Personal Coach, focuses on holistic health (the total well being of the bodymindspirit), spirituality, chronic/terminal illness, and relationships. Contact her at Kjcoachme@aol.com or call (619) 294-7741.

Barbara Luther, MCC, CMC, Wind Beneath Your Wings, Coaching successful professionals, tenure-track faculty, small business owners, creatives, and adults with ADD. Call her at (314) 878-4044 or email to Barbara@coach2soar.com.

Ann McAllister, Ph.D., helps executives, professionals and entrepreneurs achieve personal and professional excellence and still have fun in the process. She can be contacted at 770-399-6619 or Coach@AnnMcAllister.com. Visit her web site http://www.AnnMcAllister.com.

Kevin Nourse is a coach in the organizational career management center of PricewaterhouseCoopers. He specializes in career transition, life planning, and work/life balance coaching. Contact him at kevin.nourse@us.pwcglobal.com or (202) 364-1538.

Marilyn Schwader, Clarity of Vision Coaching, coaching small business owners, project managers, people in transition, people searching for a balance between analytical and creative selves. Call 505-989-8304 or email clarityofvision@earthlink.net.

Salila Shen, Professional Certified Coach and LifePartnerQuest licensee, specializes in relationship coaching for singles seeking fulfilling life partnerships and communication coaching for everyone. For information: 970-731-3102, heartcoach@frontier.net, www.lotusmountain.com or www.consciousrelating.com.

Lu Swanberg, is a Success Coach and a partner in YOUR success. Don't let the game of life play you. Discover, create and live the game you want to play. Contact Lu at (805) 382-2052 or email her at swany13@aol.com

Deb Weiler, MA, SPHR, Career Aspirations, Inc., coaches successful business professionals/executives to achieve more enjoyable and rewarding careers. Specialty: gay issues at work. Contact Deb at 770-936-0012 or coach@careeraspirations.com.

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If you are interested in joining the coaching GLBTQ Special Interest Group, please contact Barbara Luther at Barbara@coach2soar.com.

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